› home

› current edition

› columnists

› distribution
  and outlets

› archived
  papers

› specifications

› contact details

› about us

February 06
Edition

Pages in PDF

Regular
Features

› Son Of A Gun
  with Mick Pacholli

› Fab's Ravings

› Technology
  with Chris Jacobs

› Are You
  Puzzled?
  with
  Narelle Stegehuis

› Family Issues
  with
  Marilyn Brideson

› Planet Clare

› Lovatts
  Crossword

› Live Theatre
  with Blair Edgar

› Movie Scene
  with
  Charlie Alexander

› Entertainment
  with Gary Turner

› Grazing in the
  Suburbs
  with Mick Pacholli

› Fab's Travel

› Talking Manure
  with Mick Pacholli

› Furry Friends
  with
  Dr Graeme Smith

› Racing
  with Ted Ryan

› Rant & Rave
  with
  Paddles Hackett

› Bowls
  with Mick Pacholli

› Motoring
  with Garry Fabian

› Short Cuts
  Writers
  Competition

Creating Emotionally Intelligent Families

by Marilyn (Em) Brideson
Psychologist & Life Coach

If you are looking for ways to make your family and family members stronger …read on. It will take 10 mins and introduce you to a quick activity to improve your family’s emotional intelligence.

Many parents lack time and opportunity to read and attend classes on the family. Not all parents have had the advantage of good role models or wisdom to draw upon. Lengthy books and complex theories do little to help us now. And we have become a society who likes things – now.

A family is an organisation. It has members at different levels of seniority and levels of ability. Good organisations give their members a sense of autonomy and power, respect and status. Their views are considered important and their perceptions relevant to strengthening the organisation. Ignoring employees (family members), disempowering some, ordaining favourites, will cause fragmentation and will reduce the likelihood of producing an emotionally intelligent family.

This is an age of market research. Part of market research is to discover what the consumer’s needs and wants are and to see how closely this can be accommodated.

This is also the age of feedback, which is another name for having a forum to share information; and it is also the age of assertion, which is about having rights based on respect and understanding. Why not apply these to the family organisation?

This may look like a family game. And it can be really – but a reasonably serious one. The activity needs to be explained fully and taken from the simple to more complex over time, when and if the model works for your family.

These are the rules.

1. In the sessions, all must agree to be honest, tactful and diplomatic.

2. Nobody has the right to challenge, disagree or interrupt the speaker unless the rules are being broken. For example if someone says “Mum yells too much”, then the rules are to listen only…not retort “I DO NOT!).

3. The goal of this activity is listening and hearing – not interacting.

Here is an example

The activity begins with the chairman (mum, dad or older child) – coming up with an appropriate question. For example what do you value most about our immediate family? Responses are listened to one by one beginning with the oldest family member.

After listening and hearing the next member asks his/her question. For example. If you could make one change to this family, what would it be? (Answers like “your father needs to get off his backside – etc. is quite out of order). However I would appreciate having a tidier garden is a good example.

And another example

The activity is completed when everyone has nominated a question and everybody has been heard. It may be that you have two or even three rounds.

Some questions you may like to try

• What is your biggest challenge to you at this point of time?  If you had a magic wand, what would you wish for?

• If you could adopt one person – any age to become an immediate family member, who would you choose?

• How many people do you love dearly?

• What is the best thing that has happened to you in this family

The activity is ideal for long family trips and meal times.
The benefits are numerous;
It provides a structure for equal discussion to conversation.

Managed correctly it can aid honesty and insight.

It exposes vulnerabilities which can provide other family members with information.

It keeps each one aware of the views and values of others and
It opens the door for parents to hear issues that may need attention. (Eg. A child saying I wish I had a best friend – can certainly be investigated and facilitated.

I predict most of you will be surprised by how much you learn. I cannot stress the importance of keeping the activity constructive, objective and non-manipulative.

Good luck. I would be very interested to hear from any of you who receive interesting answers or anybody who needs more information.

email: mpower4@bigpond.net.au

www.empowerforlife.com

Advertisers

Email Contacts